Original post date - Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Entertainment

Here I am sitting at work and my buddy Scuba calls me up for stuff to do on a Wednesday night. He an HosefAbromowitz are going out for the first time in so long that they forget how to party. I usually go to my club on Wednesday night but there is some local stuff going on...it's ladies' night at Gatzbys (too snobby for my taste) or in Lauderdale (a place I should not be allowed to go if I have to work anytime within the next 48 hours).
Well, this got me to thinking about nightlife in general. I have been to some pretty cool places and had a really shitty time, and then I have been to some hole in the wall dive bars and had a blast.
Example: I was in Maine for my buddy Lumpy's wedding. We were in this town about 3 inches from Canada where everybody knows everybody, there's no stop lights, and there's 1 bar. That's right...1 bar. First of all, you only need 1 bar per town in Maine because these people don't observe normal drinking protocol. They'll drink anywhere up there. I don't even think they have drinking and driving laws. All there is to do up there is drink. Then go screw a fat chick. Second of all, when you actually give them a place to do concentrated drinking, you get some wierd shit. Case in point: we went into the 1 bar in the town 3 inches from Canada and there were 2 customers. And one was a dog. I'm not kidding. There was a "lady" bartender serving a guy and his dog. And...that was the busiest night they had ever had. Then our 10 people showed up. Now, this establishment had beer, but not the normal shit. Budweiser was all I could remember. Then they had some wheat beers, a few berry lagers and other stuff. As for the liquor selection, well to say it was some of the craziest shit ever assembled would be an understatement. I'm surprised they didn't have absynth. Anyway, we decided to invent a shot from the stuff they had: Cinnamon Schnaps, Rasberry vodka, and Goldschlogger. Those were the most normal aside from Jack. It wasn't bad when you chased it with blueberry beer (I'm not kidding about that, either). And we all got wasted and had fun. That was one of those "have a blast in a shithole bar.
Then there are the nights where nothings going on while you are out. Those are the nights you gotta be careful of. You know what I'm talking about...you go home, 10 minutes after you leave, some rich guy buys the whole bar shots and then an orgy brakes out between Lou Ferigno, a Kentucky Derby jockey, and Yasmin Bleeth. Dammin, I hate when I miss those nights. Nothing like seeing some 4'3" 100 lb. jockey go balls deep in Yasmin Bleeth while the Incredible Hulk T-bags her, you know what I mean? Yep, now that's entertainment.