A Sweet Hump-Day Story from Woody
http://www.azcentral.com/community/scottsdale/articles/0514sr-coach0515-ON.html

The link above is to a story about a 49 year old high school coach who invited a 17 year old female student to his house to work out. Long story short, he got creepy, she got sticky, she left, he got arrested. You can read the story if you want; if not, I'll give you the only interesting and perhaps humorous part from this, and no, I don't think sexual assault stories are humorous.....unless they contain lines like this :

"She became alarmed when he ejaculated on her. He told her it was massage oil."

Massage oil?!?! Does this work? Cause if so, I gotta try that next time I'm at the gym. And what the fuck was happening BEFORE THE EJACULATION?!?! Usually, when I ejaculate, there are some pretty obvious tell-tail signals that's it's about to happen....like the sudden appearance of a penis! That's a sign that ejaculation may be in your future. Also, if the penis in question is engaged in some sort of repeated friction....yes, another fairly obvious sign that ejaculation may be heading your way. Also, although it's difficult to notice, the curling of toes is also a possible sign of ejaculation, although usually this sign doesn't allow enough time to "Get out of the way." And finally, the words "Oh, sweet Jesus, I'm gonna lose it...get ready for some man gravy!" Yep, that's a sign that ejaculation is in your immediate future.
Look, I don't know if I've helped anybody, but if you want to avoid ejaculate, look for the signals I mentioned. Also, don't go to your creepy 49 year old coach's house, get into a bikini and let him massage your ass!! Jeez!
Quite frankly, if I did all that, I'd be upset if I DIDN'T get ejaculate on me.

Anyways, have a nice night everyone.

~Woody