Random Thoughts
Sometimes I wonder things. Here are some of those things:
I called to adopt an English Bull Dog from the Humane Society today. The lady told me that I can't adopt one because I've never had one before. How do people get their first bull dog if you have to be a previous bull dog owner? Dammit. It's a vicious cycle!!!
A gallon of Gin just doesn't go as far as it used to. Not really a lot to that one...more of an observation.
I was asked to leave a taxi cab Monday night. Okay, maybe "asked to leave" is an understatement. The guy was on the verge of pulling me out by my hair. I was with my friends Pam & Frankie, and the goal was to see how much bizarre shit we had to say to "weird out" the driver. The answer? Not much. The driver said he had "heard it all" in his years on the job, so I assumed I would have to step it up a notch...you know, the usual shit was not gonna work. So instead of easing him into the conversation, I started right off the bat talking about using a spatula for "personal anal plesure." Well, we seemed to hit a sensitive subject, because he immediately asked could we change the subject. So I changed the subject to talking about placing a spatula in Pam's bum region. Apparently that was enough. So about two minutes into the ride, he screeched to a halt and told us to get the fuck out. At least we didn't have to pay anything. And now I know if I have a fun "spatula sex story" not to share it with a taxi cab driver. They just don't appreciate good erotica.
Also, Monday night, I visited the Dubliner in Mizner park, and it isn't too bad. They have a pretty decent juke box and do trivia and give away gift certificates to the top 2 teams. And my friend Ashley works there and she's the bomb. Also, they have a killer sheppheards pie. Sheppheards pis is beef, carrots, mashed potatoes, peas, and gravey cooked in a casserole dish and then they melt cheese on top. It's awesome. Oh, and also...beer is great.
Ok, know how when you pee, it comes out in a concentrated stream? Well, what if it didn't? What if it came out like when you put your thumb over the end of a garden hose. Most guys already have enough trouble hitting the bowl, imagine how big toilets would have to be if we pee'd differently. They'd have to make those toilets with "wide-mouth" openings like they have on those Coors silver bullet beer cans. And just think how "money shots" in porno movies would be. Splooge would spray everywhere, pee would go off in rogue directions, up would be down, it would be craziness!! I imagine mass hysteria and pandemonium.
If anyone has HBO, I suggest watching Flight of the Concords. It's freaking hilarious. Folk Acoustic Guitar Rappers. Yep. Named "Rhyme-nocerous" and "HipHop-apotomus." If you don't get HBO, go to YOUTUBE.COM and look them up there. Funny shit.
Well, it's 4:00, which means it's 5:00 on the north-east coast of Canada, which means technically, I can now start celebrating French-Canadian Happy Hour.
Bon Apetit!
Sometimes I wonder things. Here are some of those things:
I called to adopt an English Bull Dog from the Humane Society today. The lady told me that I can't adopt one because I've never had one before. How do people get their first bull dog if you have to be a previous bull dog owner? Dammit. It's a vicious cycle!!!
A gallon of Gin just doesn't go as far as it used to. Not really a lot to that one...more of an observation.
I was asked to leave a taxi cab Monday night. Okay, maybe "asked to leave" is an understatement. The guy was on the verge of pulling me out by my hair. I was with my friends Pam & Frankie, and the goal was to see how much bizarre shit we had to say to "weird out" the driver. The answer? Not much. The driver said he had "heard it all" in his years on the job, so I assumed I would have to step it up a notch...you know, the usual shit was not gonna work. So instead of easing him into the conversation, I started right off the bat talking about using a spatula for "personal anal plesure." Well, we seemed to hit a sensitive subject, because he immediately asked could we change the subject. So I changed the subject to talking about placing a spatula in Pam's bum region. Apparently that was enough. So about two minutes into the ride, he screeched to a halt and told us to get the fuck out. At least we didn't have to pay anything. And now I know if I have a fun "spatula sex story" not to share it with a taxi cab driver. They just don't appreciate good erotica.
Also, Monday night, I visited the Dubliner in Mizner park, and it isn't too bad. They have a pretty decent juke box and do trivia and give away gift certificates to the top 2 teams. And my friend Ashley works there and she's the bomb. Also, they have a killer sheppheards pie. Sheppheards pis is beef, carrots, mashed potatoes, peas, and gravey cooked in a casserole dish and then they melt cheese on top. It's awesome. Oh, and also...beer is great.
Ok, know how when you pee, it comes out in a concentrated stream? Well, what if it didn't? What if it came out like when you put your thumb over the end of a garden hose. Most guys already have enough trouble hitting the bowl, imagine how big toilets would have to be if we pee'd differently. They'd have to make those toilets with "wide-mouth" openings like they have on those Coors silver bullet beer cans. And just think how "money shots" in porno movies would be. Splooge would spray everywhere, pee would go off in rogue directions, up would be down, it would be craziness!! I imagine mass hysteria and pandemonium.
If anyone has HBO, I suggest watching Flight of the Concords. It's freaking hilarious. Folk Acoustic Guitar Rappers. Yep. Named "Rhyme-nocerous" and "HipHop-apotomus." If you don't get HBO, go to YOUTUBE.COM and look them up there. Funny shit.
Well, it's 4:00, which means it's 5:00 on the north-east coast of Canada, which means technically, I can now start celebrating French-Canadian Happy Hour.
Bon Apetit!
posted by Woody at
4:16 PM
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