MacCaulay Culkin Is Home Alone

It is being reported that McCaulay Culkin and longtime girlfriend/amazingly-delicious-piece-of-tail Mila Kunis have split-up after 8 years (see what I did there? With the headline? You expect that kind of top-notch, clever journalism when you come here & I'm always glad to deliver. You're welcome). Kunis (who's last name sounds like a synonym for vagina), apparently is not interested in marriage. Either that, or she realized she's amazingly hot & he's McCaulay Culkin.

Culkin could not be reached for comment. Probably because he was home alone...crying. And masturbating. While using his tears as lube. Just a guess. If I got dumped by her, that's what I'd be doing.