Plumbing is Vulgar

As some of you may already know, during my almost 2 years in Maine, I worked as an apprentice plumber, learning a trade so that I may be gainfully employed anywhere in the world as long as they have toilets. And really, do I want to work in any place that doesn't have toilets? No. But anyway, in doing my apprenticeship, I have learned that a lot of the terminology plumbers use sounds very vulgar. However, in reality, most of these terms refer to very mundane items. Here are a few examples:

Ball Cock
What it actually means: The round, plastic ball in the back tank of your toilet

What I originally thought: A list of 2 of the 3 things in a man's underpants

Common Usage: After falling on the bar on his bicycle, Johnny did a quick inventory of his nether regions to make sure everything was ok, "Ball, cock...ah, crap, somethings missing."


Dykes
What it actually means: Diagonal cutting pliers

What I originally thought: A group or gathering consisting of 2 or more lesbians

Common Usage: Tom had no luck at Lillith Fair, as the crowd was made up of mostly dykes.


Sill Cock
What it actually means: An outside spicket or faucet

What I originally thought: What an exhibitionist refers to his wang as when he's dangling it out the window.

Common Usage: That Carl's a sick bastard...I walked by his apartment the other day and he gave me the ol' sill cock.


Dauber
What it actually means: Foam brush that comes with a can of glue, used to apply fittings

What I originally thought: Slang term used for my junk when I was about 7 or 8 years old

Common Usage: Creepy Ted was arrested & charged with indecent exposure after watching porn in the library and playing with his dauber.


Flapper
What it actually means: Part of the flushing assembly inside the toilet tank

What I originally thought: Slang term for a promiscuous woman's private parts

Common Usage: After years in the prostitution business, Trixie had quite the flapper on her...gaping like a wizard's sleeve or a yawning hippo.


Goop
What it actually means: Common term for pipe compound

What I originally thought: What comes out of your dauber when you stick it in a flapper

Common Usage: Wendy went down on the ol' sailor last night and ended up with an Angry Pirate when my goop splooged right in her eye.

Reamer
What it actually means: Any blade-like pick or rod used for scraping, shaping or widening a hole

What I originally thought: What you did to a chick with a flapper

Common Usage: I took out my dauber and used it to reamer right in the flapper....then I covered her in goop.

I'm sure a lot of you out there were just as confused as I was. Hopefully, you took this opportunity to learn something new, so next time you're at Home Depot or Lowe's, you can show off your newly acquired knowledge.