Steel Vs. Cheese

This year's Super Bowl match-up is finally set after Sunday's action, with the Steelers beating the Jets & the Packers defeating the Bears to move on to Dallas. Personally, I'm rooting for the Packers as I am a big fan of cheese. But I think the more interesting story is the one coming out of Pittsburgh, and it involves their star quarterback, Big Ben Roethlisberger.

There is a lot riding on this game. Its not just about the fans, the stats, or his legacy. Its about the safety of drunk women across this great nation.

I'm not sure what's more dangerous for the women of the United States? A Steelers win or loss? On one hand, a victorious Big Ben is gonna want to get laid. He'll be fired up and ready to celebrate. Do we really want to unleash him on the women of Pittsburgh while he's all excited & drunk? I think not. Thats's just begging for a snuggle-struggle.

On the other hand, if the Black & Yellow is defeated, a dejected, potentially cock-forcingly angry Ben is gonna want to take out his frustrations (Editor's Note: his penis). And that's not good news for anyone, anywhere. Let's not forget, the last incident took place in a bar in rural Georgia. I lived in rural Georgia for a while...its not anywhere a millionaire, star QB needs to be hanging out. And yet there he was, tucked under center, in a bathroom with a drunk 20 year old tight end, who eventually accused him of roughing the passer (see what I did there? All the football double entendre? Zing!). And that was just a random off-season night. If they lose to the Pack in the big game? God help us all (not get raped).

I guess what I'm saying is Ben Roethlisberger is like a rapey version of the terminator. Like an unflinching, unwavering machine, he will not stop, he will not rest, until he wedges his uncompromising crank in some poor girls twat. Are you ready for some football? You better be. Go Packers.