This Ain't Your Granny's Grammys

The Grammys are the music equivalent of the Oscars, which basically means its the music industry sniffing their own farts and giving each other congratulatory suck-jobs. But the people pay attention to it so fuck it, let's take a peak at what's going on.
Glee, which I've decided is just an abbreviation for Glorified Karaoke, is nominated for an award. Also, one of the cast members is touring this year. What the hell is wrong with music in America? They don't even write their own songs...they do covers!! Why are they famous?

And what about all the other artists?!? Beibers & Kanyes & Drakes, oh my! It's crazy! It's unbelievable! It's the 2011 Grammys! But seriously, folks, mainstream music is really just terrible.

So apparently, Lady (Kevin) Gaga arrived at the show in an egg-like orb, which her people said was a "womb". She's is incubating until her performance. In a related story, I'll be apathetically wanking frequently tonight. But back to Good Ol' Kev Gaga....a lot of people say she's so creative and she's a genius. I gotta say...this whore is pretty much ridiculous. Though I guess if I was only marginally talented I'd have to come up with several bat-shit insane gimmicks to cover up for the fact that I don't bring much to the table. (I actually do that all the time, it's usually when I don't have much to say; those are the days you guys get to see youtube videos or pictures of my dog...whatevs, bra, you're gettin' this shiz for free, stop complaining).

Sara Bareilles is pretty cute...but she's got one heck of a schnoz on her. Wow. That thing is pretty sizable for such a tiny waifish chick. Good news for her: if this whole music thing doesn't work out, she can always start shilling fruit loops. "Follow your nose! It always knows!!" (I feel bad about making a fruitloops joke at her expense...not because she's a talented artist, which she is, but mostly because I'm a Cap'n Crunch guy)

Don't look now, kids, but Will Smith's daughter is at the Grammys. She has a "hit single". That's great. She's worked so hard...she deserves her success. Hey, speaking of tiny Fresh Royalty, has anyone talked to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air about a vasectomy? Seriously, between the Chocolate Karate Kid remake and the daughter with the song about her hair, I'm all set with the Smith Family.

To be honest, I really cannot stand 97% of this shit. I need to just come to grips with the fact that I'm too old for current pop music, and quite frankly, kind of a music snob. I mean, none of these current groups can hold a candle to Right Said Fred. Talk about a sound that was lightyears ahead of it's time. America was not ready for the raw animal magnetism that was a shaved, muscular man, strutting around in a mesh tank top & short-shorts. Was he too sexy? Some would say yes. I say not quite sexy enough. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to do my little turn on the catwalk. Yeah, on the catwalk.