I'd Like To Thank The Academy...

The Oscars happened, and Ann Hathaway hosted with James Franco. He didn't really seem interested, but then again, she didn't really take her top off so I can understand his apathy.
The girl from the Fighter won Best Supporting Actress then said the "F" word during her speech. That's so 2003. I would've said the "C" word.
Batman won Best Supporting Actor...I would've done that thing where he throws a smoke bomb and then disappears when I left the stage...that would be awesome. Um, did you see Die Hard?
Best Actor was Colin Firth, who is a really good actor but I feel bad because every time I hear his name, I think "Colin Girth" which would make a really awesome porn name.
Best Actress went to Natalie Portman, who was in Black Swan with Mila Kunis, and they have this really hot scene where they do dirty stuff and that was all I thought of when I saw either of them but then Natalie went and got all pregnant and now all I think of is a roley-poley preggers chick.
Best Film went to The King's Speech. Eh, I mean I'm sure it was good, and I'd probably enjoy it but....well, there were so many other choices.
I mean, Black Swan had hot young lesbians!
Marky Mark & Batman as boxers who are brothers (actual brothers, not black guys).
Leo DiCapreo & Juno inside a dream inside a dream inside yet another dream.
James Franco cut off his arm!!! What's a guy gotta do to get an award around here?!?
And then, although I didn't see it, but I heard a lot of people "Liked" The Facebook movie (see what I did there?)
There was The Kids Are Alright (with more lesbians! ok, they were old, but still...lesbians!)
True Grit had Good Will Hunting & The Dude wearing an eye patch shooting people!!
All I'm saying is there was a lot to choose from. I feel like the Academy went the safe route in choosing The Kings Speech. But whatevs...at least it wasn't an Ashton Kootcher flick.