Hurricane Floyd Part III

Well, there we were, leaving the Ugly Mug and hungry for boobies. The problem was: what self-respecting strip club is open in a hurricane? (even more pressing of a question: is there such thing as a self-respecting strip club?) Well, I took a shot in the dark and took us to the dirtiest one I could think of...Peek-A-Boo in Lake Worth, where all our sticky dreams would come true. However, we first had to get to Lake Worth. We turn onto Military Trail and go for about 5 minutes when we encounter an obstacle: Trees have fallen down and are covering the entire northbound side of the road. "Should we turn back?" I ask Lumpy, seeing as it was his car we were risking. "Hell no, I wanna see some tit!!" Sweeter words were never spoken. "Try to drive half on the concrete median...I bet it's just the tips of the trees...we can squeeze by." So I pull half on the median, half off and continue to the nudie bar in the hurricane. It's pouring down rain, windy as hell and all of a sudden I hear a huge smash! I instinctively duck and shut my eyes (interestingly enough, I didn't hit the breaks or even slow down) and when I opened them, we were pulling out from under some huge pine trees into an open spot of highway. I look over at Lumpy and it's raining on his side of the car. I guess in my drunken state I didn't comprehend just what was happening, so I reach over and put my hand out the T-top just to make sure I was seeing it right. It was gone...Disappeared. And the front windshield was smashed up pretty badly too. And we were missing a windshield wiper. But where was the glass? Lumpy had only a few small chunks of glass on his sweater, but where was the rest? We stopped the car and looked in the back seat. We had found the missing glass. Poor fucking PC had a shit load size puddle of glass sitting right in his lap. We were going so fast that when the tree fell on us that it blew the glass into the back seat. (yes, a fucking pine tree fell on us while we were driving half on a concrete traffic median in a 1995 Chevy Camaro, leaving a bar with no power to go to a dirty nudie bar in the middle of a hurricane...happens to everyone, doesn't it?) We get to the nudie bar and sure as shit, it's open. And the parking lot is populated with scruffy looking gentleman of shifty persuasion. We park and they all come over to the car to see what happened. We recount our story as fast as possible and head inside. Immediately, a buck-toothed hog of a woman walks up to Lumpy and starts rubbing his chest and says "Hey, hot stuff, want a dance? Ouch! What the fuck? Is that glass on you?!?" And Lumpy says-all casual and shit-"Oh, yeah, watch out, I got some glass on my sweater from my T-top, be careful there sweetheart." Priceless. Well, the girls aren't as great as we had imagined them being when we were at the Ugly Mug (I guess even in the dark, imagined chicks are hotter than real life), so we decided to leave. Not only that, but the dirty fucks outside were eyeballing Lumpy's stereo, which was now easily accessible through the big fucking hole in the roof. We go outside and clear them away from the car and hop in to go home. Lumpy is now starting to sober up a bit and is thinking about all the damage to his car. Surly driving in a hurricane is not covered under his insurance. He drops PC and myself off and heads home to find a huge tree branch in the spot where he usually parks. So he had his neighbor lift the branch, he pulled his car underneath and called his insurance agent in the morning, who informed him that he was completely covered.

All in all, quite a night. We had beer, we had fun and no one got hurt )except for a small cut on the finger of an over-zealous stripper).

Final Score:

Woody & Friends - 1

Mother Nature - 0