11 Corporate Mascots I Would Totally Get It On With
In honor of Valentine's Day, the holiday that celebrates all that is love, I thought I'd take a look at the physical side of our favorite emotion. So, heres a list of corporate icons or mascots that I would totally get to know, in the biblical sense.
-The Chiquita Banana Girl - She's Latin and she likes bananas. Need I say more?
-Mrs. Butterworth - Ooohhh, the way she's all gooey and sprawled all over my blueberry eggo waffles...I can tell she wants me. Yeah, I know you want me to leggo my eggo and take you in my arms, you sexy-syrup vixen. Mmmm, its time for a healthy breakfast!
-The Snuggle Fabric Softener Bear - He's all soft and you know sometimes you just wanna snuggle afterwards? Well....
-Sara Lee & Betty Crocker - If these ladies are half as good in the sack as they are in the kitchen, I got a feeling I'll be hungering for seconds. Ohh, its a supper time menage'.
-The E-Surance Girl - That frisky little minx! She battles robots and saves me money on my car insurance, and laps applesauce off my junk. Nice.
-The Michelin Man - He's all big and burley and he's ribbed for my pleasure. C'mon, you're telling me that if you were both locked in a room for a night with a bottle of wine and some candles and the Michelin Man looked at you and said "Let's do this" you wouldn't give him a test drive? Thats what I thought.
-The Hamburger Helper Hand - I'm not sure how many of you remember this little asexual corporate mascot, but it's basically just a hand with a face; which is awesome for hook-up purposes because when you have a face on your hand, even an HJ is basically a BJ. Its a two for one!
-The Coppertone Girl - First of all, let me start by saying that I am not advocating the getting it on with minors accompanied by puppy dogs. I don't mean the coppertone girl as you are thinking, a 5 year old girl with a doggy tugging at her shorts...keep in mind that ad is years old, so the actual coppertone girl is probably in her 40's or 50's now. I'm talking coppertone girl in her prime...early 20's, with her golden tan and blonde hair. Heck, the dogs already trying to take her pants off for ya, it's pretty much go time. Go ahead, picture the copertone girl at age 23 and tell me your not mildly aroused.
The Hamburgler - If I was in prison, and I had to pick a cellmate, it'd be the Hamburgler. Think about it, he's got an assortment of buns you can stick it in, and his name's "Hamburgler" so you know he's hungry for beef. It's either him or the Cookie Crook from Cookie Crisp cereal, and I don't think he'd be very gentle.
The Talking Tub of Margerine from the Parkay Commercials - With all that "Parkay/Butter" arguing going on, I just wanna give that little piece of tupperwear the business. Is that wrong? Yeah. It probably is.
Happy Valentine's Day.
In honor of Valentine's Day, the holiday that celebrates all that is love, I thought I'd take a look at the physical side of our favorite emotion. So, heres a list of corporate icons or mascots that I would totally get to know, in the biblical sense.
-The Chiquita Banana Girl - She's Latin and she likes bananas. Need I say more?
-Mrs. Butterworth - Ooohhh, the way she's all gooey and sprawled all over my blueberry eggo waffles...I can tell she wants me. Yeah, I know you want me to leggo my eggo and take you in my arms, you sexy-syrup vixen. Mmmm, its time for a healthy breakfast!
-The Snuggle Fabric Softener Bear - He's all soft and you know sometimes you just wanna snuggle afterwards? Well....
-Sara Lee & Betty Crocker - If these ladies are half as good in the sack as they are in the kitchen, I got a feeling I'll be hungering for seconds. Ohh, its a supper time menage'.
-The E-Surance Girl - That frisky little minx! She battles robots and saves me money on my car insurance, and laps applesauce off my junk. Nice.
-The Michelin Man - He's all big and burley and he's ribbed for my pleasure. C'mon, you're telling me that if you were both locked in a room for a night with a bottle of wine and some candles and the Michelin Man looked at you and said "Let's do this" you wouldn't give him a test drive? Thats what I thought.
-The Hamburger Helper Hand - I'm not sure how many of you remember this little asexual corporate mascot, but it's basically just a hand with a face; which is awesome for hook-up purposes because when you have a face on your hand, even an HJ is basically a BJ. Its a two for one!
-The Coppertone Girl - First of all, let me start by saying that I am not advocating the getting it on with minors accompanied by puppy dogs. I don't mean the coppertone girl as you are thinking, a 5 year old girl with a doggy tugging at her shorts...keep in mind that ad is years old, so the actual coppertone girl is probably in her 40's or 50's now. I'm talking coppertone girl in her prime...early 20's, with her golden tan and blonde hair. Heck, the dogs already trying to take her pants off for ya, it's pretty much go time. Go ahead, picture the copertone girl at age 23 and tell me your not mildly aroused.
The Hamburgler - If I was in prison, and I had to pick a cellmate, it'd be the Hamburgler. Think about it, he's got an assortment of buns you can stick it in, and his name's "Hamburgler" so you know he's hungry for beef. It's either him or the Cookie Crook from Cookie Crisp cereal, and I don't think he'd be very gentle.
The Talking Tub of Margerine from the Parkay Commercials - With all that "Parkay/Butter" arguing going on, I just wanna give that little piece of tupperwear the business. Is that wrong? Yeah. It probably is.
Happy Valentine's Day.
posted by Woody at
1:22 PM
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