As some of you are aware, Dom and I visited SoFlo this weekend for my friend Ben's wedding. Dom is newly employed and without any vacation time, so to ensure she did not miss any work, we made it a quick trip.
I will review:
On Friday, at 4:00pm, we hit the road for the one hour ride to Portland Jetport. Thats what its called. "Jetport." Kinda sounds futuristic, doesn't it? Way more important sounding than the regular AIRports they have in South Florida...big and impressive, right? Yeah, not quite... it has one terminal and 7 gates and you can land hot air balloons there. Ok, maybe not quite that small, but its pretty small.
We arrive at the Jetport to find out that our flight is delayed because JFK is not gonna allow us to land because it's windy there. Phhffhhaa! Wind?! Like thats a problem for planes. Whatever. Pussies.
Small delay, no problem.What is a BIG problem is the fact that with the delay, we now miss our connecting flight, the last flight that day. Which means we have to spend the night in NYC. Awesome. I love spending the night in weird airports.
We find a bench and Dom snuggles up to her carry on bag for a few hours sleep. I, however, do not feel the need to have weird stuff done to me or my loved one by a drifter in JFK airport at 3 in the morning, so I stay awake the whole night and watch out for "creepy airport people."
We make it through the night without having a homeless guy pleasure himself with our luggage and our plane leaves at 6am Saturday. I spend the entire flight nodding off and then snapping awake courtesy of the un-Godly odor emenating from the 400 pound "gentleman" to my right. He smelled like a dirty foot. After it had just stepped in poo.
We arrive at 9:30am in WPB...ahh, sweet, sweet humidity! Similar to a few of the 7 dwarfs, I am grumpy, sleepy and a little dopey. I need some comfort food to ease my nerves. Its 10:30am by the time we get our bags and rental car, so I hit Taco Bell. Now, in Maine, there are people who speek English working the windows at the Bell. They understand what you are saying, and get your order right about 90% of the time. South Florida? Not so much. They fuck up my order. I go inside to have her fix it. "No tomatos" I say. She replied with something that sounded like the second verse from "LaBamba." Ugh....whatever the fuck. Just give me my nachos, el Hootcherita.
Get to our friend Alison's place, say hello, and its nappy time. I get 1 hour sleep, then its time to have lunch with Dom's family. We meet at Smokey Bones and I go whole hog on a a ribs/pulled pork combo platter. I can hear myself getting fatter and I love it. Then I go to the mall to buy a belt. Then its back home to squeeze in 2 more hours sleep before the wedding.
We make the wedding with .03 seconds to spare. The ceremony is about 7 minutes. The reception went from 6:37pm until past midnight. About 15 minutes into cocktail hour, one of Ben's relatives (Huge Philly fans, mind you) comes out of nowhere with "E-A-G-L-E-S- EAGLLEEESSSSSS!!!!! Yeah, this is gonna be fun. Drinks - awesome. Food - delicious. Band - great!
We leave at 11:30pm while the thing is still going strong to hit Clematis with a few friends.
Big Jim P. is in rare form. Apparently, he was so excited about meeting up with us at 11:30pm that he started drinking at breakfast or soon thereafter. Hilarity ensued. Charlie and Karen made it out, as did a ton of the Guzmans. Chuck Deuce made the drive all the way up from the LHP all by his lonesome just to hang out.
Quick side note: 2 vodka redbulls and 1 jager shot at Bradleys House of Douche Bags = $32.
On the flip side of that: 3 miller lites, 2 captain & cokes and a snakebite draft at O'Sheas House of Irish Awesomeness = $22.
Not a tough decision as to which bar is better.
By 1:30am, Big Jim P. has remembered that he knows the F-word as well as the C-word and is not afraid to let the entire bar know it. Chuck Deuce mentions that with Jim's "colorful vocabulary" he should probably not have his own late night talk show.
We finally give in to our lack of sleep and get home and in bed by 2:15am.
A short 3 and a half hours later, we wake up to catch our 8am flight right back home, with 22 and a half hours of South Florida madness and about a total of 5 hours sleep for the entire weekend.
Overall, the trip was great. The wedding was the shizzle and it was great to see friends and family.
Big thanks to everyone who braved the numerous opportunities for DUI's and came out to hang; an especially big thanks to Alison for letting us crash at her house.
See all you sons of bitches some time in December!
I will review:
On Friday, at 4:00pm, we hit the road for the one hour ride to Portland Jetport. Thats what its called. "Jetport." Kinda sounds futuristic, doesn't it? Way more important sounding than the regular AIRports they have in South Florida...big and impressive, right? Yeah, not quite... it has one terminal and 7 gates and you can land hot air balloons there. Ok, maybe not quite that small, but its pretty small.
We arrive at the Jetport to find out that our flight is delayed because JFK is not gonna allow us to land because it's windy there. Phhffhhaa! Wind?! Like thats a problem for planes. Whatever. Pussies.
Small delay, no problem.What is a BIG problem is the fact that with the delay, we now miss our connecting flight, the last flight that day. Which means we have to spend the night in NYC. Awesome. I love spending the night in weird airports.
We find a bench and Dom snuggles up to her carry on bag for a few hours sleep. I, however, do not feel the need to have weird stuff done to me or my loved one by a drifter in JFK airport at 3 in the morning, so I stay awake the whole night and watch out for "creepy airport people."
We make it through the night without having a homeless guy pleasure himself with our luggage and our plane leaves at 6am Saturday. I spend the entire flight nodding off and then snapping awake courtesy of the un-Godly odor emenating from the 400 pound "gentleman" to my right. He smelled like a dirty foot. After it had just stepped in poo.
We arrive at 9:30am in WPB...ahh, sweet, sweet humidity! Similar to a few of the 7 dwarfs, I am grumpy, sleepy and a little dopey. I need some comfort food to ease my nerves. Its 10:30am by the time we get our bags and rental car, so I hit Taco Bell. Now, in Maine, there are people who speek English working the windows at the Bell. They understand what you are saying, and get your order right about 90% of the time. South Florida? Not so much. They fuck up my order. I go inside to have her fix it. "No tomatos" I say. She replied with something that sounded like the second verse from "LaBamba." Ugh....whatever the fuck. Just give me my nachos, el Hootcherita.
Get to our friend Alison's place, say hello, and its nappy time. I get 1 hour sleep, then its time to have lunch with Dom's family. We meet at Smokey Bones and I go whole hog on a a ribs/pulled pork combo platter. I can hear myself getting fatter and I love it. Then I go to the mall to buy a belt. Then its back home to squeeze in 2 more hours sleep before the wedding.
We make the wedding with .03 seconds to spare. The ceremony is about 7 minutes. The reception went from 6:37pm until past midnight. About 15 minutes into cocktail hour, one of Ben's relatives (Huge Philly fans, mind you) comes out of nowhere with "E-A-G-L-E-S- EAGLLEEESSSSSS!!!!! Yeah, this is gonna be fun. Drinks - awesome. Food - delicious. Band - great!
We leave at 11:30pm while the thing is still going strong to hit Clematis with a few friends.
Big Jim P. is in rare form. Apparently, he was so excited about meeting up with us at 11:30pm that he started drinking at breakfast or soon thereafter. Hilarity ensued. Charlie and Karen made it out, as did a ton of the Guzmans. Chuck Deuce made the drive all the way up from the LHP all by his lonesome just to hang out.
Quick side note: 2 vodka redbulls and 1 jager shot at Bradleys House of Douche Bags = $32.
On the flip side of that: 3 miller lites, 2 captain & cokes and a snakebite draft at O'Sheas House of Irish Awesomeness = $22.
Not a tough decision as to which bar is better.
By 1:30am, Big Jim P. has remembered that he knows the F-word as well as the C-word and is not afraid to let the entire bar know it. Chuck Deuce mentions that with Jim's "colorful vocabulary" he should probably not have his own late night talk show.
We finally give in to our lack of sleep and get home and in bed by 2:15am.
A short 3 and a half hours later, we wake up to catch our 8am flight right back home, with 22 and a half hours of South Florida madness and about a total of 5 hours sleep for the entire weekend.
Overall, the trip was great. The wedding was the shizzle and it was great to see friends and family.
Big thanks to everyone who braved the numerous opportunities for DUI's and came out to hang; an especially big thanks to Alison for letting us crash at her house.
See all you sons of bitches some time in December!
posted by Woody at
8:19 PM
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