The Weekend That Was, The Weekend That Is, and an Angry Pirate
Original Post Date: October 24, 2006
Good afternoon, everyone. I have a few things on my mind so I thought I'd excercise what I learned in Kindergarden and share with the rest of the class.
Went to Tampa for the Eagles/Bucs game this weekend with Jimmy Hat, Scuba Steve and TJ. I'll start by saying the Bucs won and I m happy. However, the Eagles lost and Jim is sad. Sorry buddy. Contrary to popular belief, Ybor City is still a cool place to party. We found out that they are very serious about the fact that they do not want drinks outside of bars and clubs as we were almost arrested for walking around with cocktails. However, they apparently are not very serious about openly brawling in the streets. I witnessed maylays between vehicle passengers and pedestrians as a few fights broke out, and all the cops did was take odds as to who would win. Also, there are numerous pizza places open late and drunk-person friendly and they're all great after you've had 30 beers and 10 jager-bombs.
Speaking of 30 beers and 10 jagerbombs...funny story. We get to the hotel, Scuba Steve checks us in while we wait in the car. He reports that the lobby is filled with young people and everyone is cool and friendly. We are excited to party with whatever convention is staying at the hotel with us this weekend. We walk in past the convention, everyone carrying their bags, me carrying my bag, a gallon bottle of Captain Morgan and a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, and we realize what kind of convention it is: Alcohol Annonymous. Yep, and I'm carrying a damn liquor store. Nice. Needless to say, we were not whole-heartedly accepted by the majority of the convention guests. Hey, isn't one of those steps acceptance? Get off your high horse and stop judging me.
There's a club there with a revolving dance floor. This is very funny as our friend TJ was off-his-rocker drunk and would stumble onto the dance floor, then get off 5 minutes later in what he thought was the same place, only to find he was completely accross the other side of the club and quite lost. There's nothing like pulling the old switch-a-roo on a drunk person and moving the entire room while they stumble around confused. Ahh, I chuckle now just thinking about it. Funny thing is, he didn't realize the floor was moving until the car ride home the next day when we told him. Good times.
This weekend, it's O-Town for the Food and Wine Fest at Epcot. I know, I know...everyone thinks "Epcot, ewww, my grandparents like that place." Well, your grandparents are probably drunks, because the only thing to do there is drink in all the countries and that is a good time. And that's what I plan on doing. (Editor's Note: Hey, Chuck Deuce, try not to pass out under a table in Mexico this time. At least not without me.)
Is anyone else sick of Hinder and Nickleback? Every time I turn on MTV or VH1 those bastards are playing. Nice, these "music" stations never play videos anymore, and when they finally do, it's crap. Thanks. Hey, for Christmas, someone get me the new Hanson Greatest Hits album. It's full of Mmm-boppety Goodness!!
On a more personal note, I have a very funny, but very humiliating story to tell. I was debating on keeping it to myself, but it's too funny. Here goes: So after my long weekend away, my GF was "releiving my stress" in an oral manner. Obviously, since I was away a few days, there was some build up, and when it was time for Old Faithful to erupt, she moved out of the way. However, instead of aiming away and keeping everyone involved safe, she pointed it up so it fired a shot of baby batter into the air, a bit of which landed on my cheek. Thanks, babe, just what I needed. So, although I was greatful for the fellacious relations, I unfortunately almost ended up "Angry Pirate-ing" myself. Oh well. Better luck next time.
On that note, I'm outta here. Have a safe weekend and if anyone's gonna be in O-Town, that's Orlando for those of you keeping score at home, holla my way.

I Wanna Sex You Up Sincerely,

Woody

Random Ramblings...Don't like it? Don't read it.
Good evening folks. It's been a while since I posted a new blog. For those of you who care, I apologize. I'll start by saying that I've been drinking grey goose for the past few hours and I may or may not be steaming, stinking drunk. Some may say I have a problem. Those same some that say that may fuck off.
I watched a movie with Johnny Depp annd John Malkovich tonight. No, they weren't with me in the living room....that was Mr & Mrs Scuba. But they were actors in the movie. It was artsy and such, and I didn't understand much of the dialogue. But it was set in England a few hundred years ago or so, and they used tons of profanity set to Olde English standards, such as the words prick, wench and cunt, or "C U Next Tuesday" for those of you that are so inclined. So, although I didn't understand much, the words I did understand I enjoyed immensly. I'm sure there was a message to the movie. Johnny Depp is a very smart, witty, artistic, yet cynical guy...he does what he wants...drinks like a sailor. Anyway, he lives an unfullfilled life and ends up dying a sort of tragic, drunken death of syphillis, while his hot wife (who he turns away earlier in the movie for some other bitch) lays by his side the whole time and is with him on his deathbed. Sweet. Tragic. Poetic. I'm sure I missed the message. Anyhoo...fill my cup with goose and soda, will you please, toots? Not too much ice. Thanks.
Our internet has been down off and on since Friday afternoon. Thanks, Adelphia, real bang up job you're doing. You can officially suck on my ABC (that's Ass-Ball Connection for those of you keeping score at home). Although I have quite a bit of a life outside of the internet, when I do choose to use it, my technologically-pampered ass wants it to work ASA fucking P, so this "Page cannot be located" shit can stop now. Along the same lines, but for an entirely different reason, those of you attempting to call me will have learned that my phone is turned off. This is not due to any ineptituedes of Cingular, but of my own. It's called "we haven't had a storm in months and I sell hurricane shutters...money is slow." I can either pay child support, eat and drink...or I can talk to you fuckers. I made my choice, I stand by it and I'm quite happy with it. I'll be back soon. YES I'll call and YES, I still love you all.
On to other things.... It was recently brought to my attention that my hair has grown quite unruley and I should either brush it, cut it, or at the very least utilize some sort of styling product. To those that critisize, I say love me or leave me alone. The same goes to those of you who tell me to shave.
I'll be at quarterdeck Thursday night for karaoke. I'm trying to organize a going away party for my friend Heather and her BF Jordan there on that night. Also, I have been feeling a bit rambunctious, so be ready. Also, have bail money on hand, as I cannot be held accountable for my actions, even though the law ennforcment officers of Palm Beach County seem hell bent on making me so. Whatever. Let's rock the casbah, bitches.
I'm out. Where's more goose & soda?